How do one accept who they are?

QUESTION

How do one accept who they are, and stop comparing one self to other people. And how does one realize that they are good enough?

ANSWER

We learn self acceptance and how to accept others from our parents. When we struggle to accept ourselves as adults it many times stem from well meaning parents who was not able to separate the child from their behaviour. This teaches the child that they are only acceptable under certain conditions. If for example a child messes cool drink all over himself and the dinner table they would tell the child “Bad boy. You are a very bad boy!”. Emphasising that there is something wrong with the child if they do not get it right instead of focussing on what could have been done differently. Children need to know that they are loved and accepted because of who they are and not because of what they do. That they are valued and treasured and can make mistakes. A better response to the example above would then be - “What you did now has caused a big mess. How can we prevent that from happening again?” As adults we can start accepting ourselves by not judging ourselves. Becoming aware of our self-talk can help us recognize when we judge ourselves and why. For example, if I say something I know I should not be saying, I can judge myself afterwards by telling myself I am stupid. (And comparing myself to all the others who I assume ALWAYS get it right) But this will not serve me very well in growing, expanding or becoming the person I want to be. Acceptance would be to rather ask myself the question - “Does it serve me to do things this way?” and if the answer is No, - “What would serve me better?” without any judgement or condemnation. When we love on ourselves in this way we are growing in self acceptance.